Funny - Nigerian Musicians And The Kind Of Students They Would Have Been

Okay now, let’s take a look at some of our musicians in the music industry and judge, with their ways of life, the kind of students they would have made in school.

TERRY G – One hell of a noise maker and beatboxer in the class.

KOREDE BELLO – One very childish but handsome kid that senior girls take as school son.

REEKADO BANKS – Joined the school and took the first position by surprise within some months.

OLAMIDE – Causes commotion in every end of the year party for not given the first position.

MAYORKUN – Took a test his first day in school and had the highest score, now all eyes on him.

P-SQUARE – The twin brothers that are always causing trouble in the class.

B-RED - Has all the textbooks in d world, has d opportunity to see question papers before exams, most comfortable boy in class, but still ends up carrying last after term exams.

DAVIDO – Likes to brag about his father, flaunts wealth & brings a bottle of whisky in the class room everyday

PHENOM – Very obedient student but came to school once & never showed up again.

YCEE – One of those thugs that sit in the back inside class discussing which girl to toast next.

Adekunle Gold: Always speaking Vernacular to impress girl and likes to bring old answers from seniors to cheat and pass exam! E.g omolade, Sade.

WIZKID – So obsessed to girls in the class, almost all girls are crushing on him.

VECTOR – Nobody understands him as he shows up in school once in a month.

SKALES – Always wearing fancy clothes and gold accessories to school but wouldn’t be able to afford snacks during break.

MI – The genius that’s always excelling in english subjects, he motivates people to pass.

DON JAZZY – Oldest in the class, loves food a lot, always shouting he is a boss and a hell of a bully.

ICE PRINCE – He is d best dressed student in class and always on jacket even during summer. Performs averagely in class, but bags awards for the school.

KCEE – Likes to draw nonsense on the chalkboard.

TIWA SAVAGE – Bad LovePeddler and twerks in front of the class even though she has a boyfriend in the other class.

TEKNO – One cheese boy that girls fall for. Always busy with his dancing crew and never comes for classes.

PATORANKING – One hell of a stoner and caught almost everyday smoking weed inside school farm.

YEMI ALADE – Yellow bone queen that is always looking for boys.

SIMI – One freaky dirty girl with the torn clothes, but has a sharp mouth.

REMINISCE – One of the most wanted gangstars in the class. Always talking about broken bottles but never broke one.

VIKTOH – Just one chronic failer, so dumb gets zero in every exam.

BANKY W – Teaches other students, but hardly passes examinations.

SHAYDEE – Nobody notices him in class even though he moves with the biggest and most brilliant boys.

KISS DANIEL – That very cool, calm and very brilliant guy in the class.

FLAVOUR – The loner, goes alone to d sports field everyday with guitar to sing loudly to himself.

ASA - Very brilliant and modest girl who many don't appreciate

IYANYA – Likes to take his shirt off and shows his chest to impress girls.

EVA – The lesbian and has a knife in her schoolbag, no girl messes with her.

TIMAYA – Always got hiccups and lazy to speak.

Ruggedman: One of those persons ought to be chairman of old students association but still in school forming baba Isale.

LIL KESH – He is brilliant, hardworking but very vulgar and hell of a late comer.

D’BANJ – Doesn’t listen to the teacher, feels he knows it all & never bring books to class.

9ICE – One hardcore Yoruba boy, a big dreamer and likes to fantasize, wants to join school politics and becomes senior prefect boy is school 1.

Blackface: that poor students that claims to be the most brilliant but always at the bottom of the class.

Faze: That brilliant student that everyone once loved but his step-mum and the witches in his village brought him down.

Black magic: the most dirty and ugly student in class.

CYNTHIA MORGAN - That strange female, always sitting at d back with boiz and smoke with during breaks, has no female friend.

DIJA – one spoilt brat, small girl & always rude to her seniors, very disrespectful.

ADEKUNLE GOLD – The shy and quiet guy, has a crush on a girl but can’t speak to her.

PHYNO – Noise maker and impossible to be heard when talking

Jesse Jagz - That pimpled guy in class, not so brilliant, not so dull, guys mock him and ladies don't like him, he is always sitting at d back in class, forming gangsta.

Falz - One confused village boy, always speaking rubbish grammar in school but still passes English language exams.

Chidinmma: Shortest girl in class, always passing her boundary and moves with the baddest guys

YUNG6IX – Likes to hide other students study books, very unserious and unstable, but has better grades than the serious ones.

2FACE : The impregnated his teacher ……

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Na wah o.... Girl fights conductor because of 10naira change

I’m always making jokes about men in suit who get into fights with conductors for their twenty naira change and I never for once thought I would one day make the list.
The only difference between me and them is, I was not wearing a suit when mine happened and I fought for something lesser, ten naira change.

It was a very sunny afternoon when I flagged a keke from Alaka Estate at Surulere heading towards Ojuelegba. They were two men seated at the back seat and I made the third passenger.
Usually, the fare for this distance is N50 but the keke man said N80 and because I saw a troop of men & women walking out from the estate, I didn’t want them to contend my space with me so I got in without arguments.
Towards Tejuosho, the keke man said, “I hope say you hold change oh.”
I kept mute. I had only a N200 and N1000 note in my bag but I thought N200 was a reasonable denomination. Even if it were not, he should have mentioned it before I got into his keke.

The other passengers alighted along the way. When we got to Ojuelegba, I handed the man the N200 and rather than give me my change, he hissed and started driving towards Surulere as though he was oblivious to my presence in the back-seat. I asked if his head was correct and he parked immediately. Then he hissed again, threw a N100 and a N10 at me in the back-seat and got out of the keke.

Oga, wey my ten naira change?

He eyes turned red as if he washed them with Yoruba stew. He said I dey craze, that he made himself clear before I got inside his keke.

Wait! What is ten naira? I know how many times I have written off amount way higher than that to taxi/keke/okada drivers and sellers generally but I can’t stand when people are rude ontop my own money. I’m usually the first to wave my hand and walk away if I see the driver or conductor making efforts to spilt my money into smaller denominations or if he has a look of empathy on his face but not when I was dealing with a mad man.

That missing ten naira suddenly felt like N1,000,000. To add insult to injury, he brought out two ten naira notes and said he dared me to collect it from him, that yes, he was going to ‘eat’ my money because he bought his fuel from black market.

He walked towards an Iya Basira at the road side and sat down. He was probably a regular of the iya basira cos she served him egusi and eba without questions. All along, I was staring at him with hands on akimbo as he swallowed a ball of eba, one after the other, amazed at how one can be this silly.
Anger had suddenly overwhelmed me. I felt like I was going to run mad if I didn’t give him a piece of mind. I walked up to him and said, “Since N10 is your problem, N10 will always be your problem till you are 80. Amen!”
I got him there. Yay!
He stood up immediately holding a ball of eba already dunked in soup and started abusing my existence in the typical agbero style.
Me, I was just shouting, “Back to sender! Back to sender!! Back to sender!!!”

I turned around and noticed some passersby were staring at us. Reality suddenly hit me. There I was, fighting for N10 in ojulegba of all places. If it were the bus stop of Banana Island, I wouldn’t be bothered. But Ojulegba? Ojulegba?
Tomorrow fame might meet me from my new novel and the only photos the internet would have of me are the ones taken by passersby on the day I fought at Ojulegba.
Devil be gone!
I composed myself and walked away.

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Amazing!!! How I Lost A Job Because Of A Customised Facebook Name

Funny but true.
Read and learn from it.
I'm really not gonna bore you with how the whole interview went but it actually was going well until I was asked to give my facebook Id....

Considering how the hr was enjoying my response to his questions, I happily told him my facebook Id. Putting the name in the facebook search box, nothing of such was shown, he(hr) then said I shld spell it and I did that without a second thought(I never knew customising a facebook id is a job seeking crime). After spelling daniel omoniyi(not real name) as dhaniehl homohniyhi, the man said " I'm so sorry, we can't hire you".
I was so confused that I had to ask him why, and he said " your facebook id look unserious and fake, please use the door".

This is one of the little things we job seekers do not pay much attention to. If someone had opened that account for me, perhaps I will be looking for a way to kill the person now.

Still trying to get over losing a job over "just" a facebook Id.

Lesson learnt anywaiz.

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7 Annoying People You Meet At The ATM

Being in a long queue, hoping to use an ATM service can be very frustrating at times. Thanks to these characters whmake it annoying.

1. The guy that counts money before leaving the ATM for others. As if, if the money short, ATM go complete am for am or he go return am.

2. The dude that knows he does not have a kobo in his account, but hopes for a miracle. After wasting everyone’s’ time,’ insufficient balance’ will chase him away! and he will say, "this ATM nor grin pay me o"

3. The guy that makes the cue +1 just to check his balance. You will be wondering if he does not receive alerts.

4. The guy that acts as if the world will end today. He goes to the Atm and you think he wants to withdraw his whole life savings. At a point people will start begging him to remain some cash in the ATM.

5. The dude that quarrels with the ATM. Even though the machine is prompting him that his pin is incorrect or card has expired. U will still see him complaining or screaming at the ATM. ‘Jeez! I used this card just this morning! Which kind bank be this?

6. that man/woman that just goes there an stand for almost 20minutes… When you go closer you discover the machine asked ‘do you wish to proceed? Yes or No? And the olodo just did not press anything.

7. The Mr. helper. Leaves the cue to go and help someone, only to be the next person. Too annoying.

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